immigration – New Zealand Chronicles

October 5, 2025October 5, 2025

I am a NEW ZEALAND RESIDENT

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

And this is where I sheepishly admit that I got residency three months ago and am just now writing about it. I’m so far behind on blogging that I missed posting about basically the most important achievement of this entire visa journey. 🤦🏼‍♀️

But my delay in this announcement doesn’t change the fact that I finally get to type this sentence:

My Partner of a New Zealander Resident Visa was approved on July 6th, making me a legal resident of New Zealand.

Somewhat amusingly, I wasn’t even in New Zealand when they finally granted me New Zealand residency. I was in the States for three months, working at my old job and spending time with family and friends, when the email came through. (Because I was out of the country when it was approved, it actually didn’t officially begin until August 22, when I got back to NZ).

The turnaround time from when I submitted the Partner of a NZer Resident Visa (Jan 6) and when it was approved (July 6) was six months to the day; Immigration’s website at the time I applied said that 80% of these visas are decided upon within 7 months, so it was right on schedule (Immigration updates its approximate turnaround time for each visa monthly).

This new visa allows me to continue living and working in NZ, and traveling in and out of NZ, for two years. After those two years are up on August 22, 2027, I can either:

1. Stay in NZ legally, forever, but never leave, or

2. Apply for the Permanent Resident Visa, which of course is the option I’ll go for. The Permanent Resident, which will be my last visa (!!!), is the cheapest ($315 NZD/$184 USD), easiest, and fastest (most are approved within 3 weeks) of them all. And then I’m good forever! (After five years of having Permanent Residence, I can–if I meet the criteria–choose to apply for citizenship. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it).

Pictures of gorgeous beach flowers to break up the blocks of text.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, you can’t apply for the Partner of a NZer Resident Visa until you and your Kiwi partner have been living together for 12 months. I applied a few days after Stu and I hit that mark–January 7, 2025. Because my first visa, the Partner of a NZer Work Visa, was due to expire on May 22, 2025, and my Resident Visa wouldn’t be approved until at least July 2025, I had two options: leave NZ before my Work Visa expired and return once my Resident Visa came through, or renew my Partner of a NZer Work Visa for the new tune of $1,630. I thought it was a no-brainer; I’ll just book a one-way ticket home to the States and wait it out while I spend time with my family and friends. Perfect!

Except that it wasn’t. I was advised against doing this by two separate immigration lawyers, both of whom told me that my decision to fly out of NZ, alone, on a one-way ticket without knowing when I’d be allowed to come back in wouldn’t be looked upon favorably by Immigration, since my entire application was based upon the strength of my partnership. This annoyed me greatly–why do two people have to be together constantly just to prove their commitment to one another?–but after thinking it through, I decided to go with their advice and re-apply for (and re-pay for) another Partner of a NZer Work Visa to cover me for the estimated 2-3 month gap between visas. It costs me $1,630 NZD ($951 USD), which is a hell of a lot of money to pay for 2-3 months, but I admit that it did give me peace of mind about going back to the States for a bit. The second work visa was approved on March 3 and was good for two years, giving me plenty of coverage.

On June 30, while I was back in the States, I got an email from a nice immigration officer named Stacey saying that she has been assigned to my application. (This is the only communication I’ve had from an actual person at Immigration; everything prior to this has been generic correspondence in the form of a PDF in my Immigration account inbox). Stacey was writing to ask why I left New Zealand on May 31, and for what purpose, and when was I returning, and why wasn’t my partner with me, and could I please respond to her within four days (all of this is information she was able to access since she has both of our passport numbers).

I was expecting this email. A Kiwi friend of mine has an American partner who is 15 months ahead of me in the same visa process. Like me, he was in the States while his Resident Visa was processing, and he’d received an email inquiring why he was abroad without his partner. My friend said Immigration would probably send me a similar email, and reassured me that I was doing everything by the book, my reasons for traveling were completely legitimate, and that I shouldn’t worry.

Don’t worry! Piece of cake.

Something that many of you already know about me is that I essentially exist in a perpetual state of heightened anxiety (“energetic” is a nice way of putting it; “neurotic and high strung” is also accurate), with a steady stream of worry always percolating in the background. Even when I’m going about enjoying my day, there’s always that simmering sense that something awful could definitely happen at any moment. And on the rare occasion I don’t have anything specific to worry about, my brain will kindly invent something for me. It’s like a backwards worry stone; my brain needs something to worry about just to soothe itself. I know; it’s messed up. Being a high-strung human does have its perks: I can do the work of 27 people in a day, I multitask like a champ, and if you want me to do something for you–oh, look, I already did it before you finished asking!! And it’s not like I feel constantly alarmed, just constantly…ready to panic at the drop of a hat. Increased productivity aside, it does suck that as soon as something even remotely unexpected or stressful happens, my entire being goes “OKAY, THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN TRAINING FOR” and my brain has a ?!@#$!! heart attack.

So you can imagine how I reacted when this perfectly rational, friendly, and fully anticipated email from Immigration arrived in my inbox, asking very reasonable questions to which I had perfectly acceptable answers. My head went into fight or flight mode: they’re going to reject my application because I’m overseas, I’ll be out thousands of dollars, they’re going to ban me for life, and I can never see Stu or his kids or my NZ friends again. You know; a really rational response. 🙄

I immediately messaged the aforementioned Kiwi friend whose American partner is on the same journey, and she calmly (bless you, Molly) walked me through how to respond to each of Stacey’s questions, which I did. I didn’t hear back from her [🧠: PANIC], but 7 days later I got an email from Immigration with my Residency Visa attached.

For anyone who’s curious, here is what the visa looks like:

I still can’t fully believe it. It hits me in little moments, such as when Stu and I recently booked a weekend away and I reflexively reminded myself to add it to the (now-deleted) “Imm NZ Significant Events” list in the Notes app on my phone, and then remembered that I do not, ever again, have to keep a running tally of important events and their corresponding dates to submit to anyone as proof that our relationship is genuine. I can just…relax.
[🧠: “LOL”].

I honestly feel like this all happened very fast (do any of you feel that way?). It seems like just yesterday that I started this blog–it was in fact Dec 2023–to chronicle this wild immigration journey, and I pictured myself writing updates for years and years and years. Technically this isn’t “done and dusted,” as they say here, until I get Permanent Residency in 2027, but by all accounts that’s practically a given once you get residency. This was the big one.

I’ve written a lot here, but I want to close with this:
I vividly remember when I began seriously looking at moving to New Zealand. It was the US fall/NZ spring of 2019, about six months before I’d ever even set foot there. I was deep in the process of getting divorced, holding ideas of varying degrees of creativity and insanity up against my life to see if any of them could work. I could do anything I wanted to do, go anywhere I felt like going! I knew at the time that I should have felt “free,” but all I could feel was “f**king terrified.”
To give myself some breathing room, I went to my local library, logged onto one of their computers, and googled “how to move to new zealand.” I landed for the first time on the Immigration New Zealand website I would come to know by heart.
Apply now to visit, study, work or live in New Zealand, the homepage said, and it then guided me through a series of dropdown menus.
I am a citizen of [United States of America].
I want to [live permanently] in New Zealand.
I do [not] have a job offer.
I clicked “Find Visas” and fewer than a half dozen options came up, most of them completely out of reach. I checked the “Skilled Shortages” list, knowing already I wouldn’t be on it. I left the library feeling despondent and discouraged.

It’s strange now, looking back, to realize that what I once thought was impossible was simply something I hadn’t done yet.

Aroha/Love,
H. ❤️

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” – Francis of Assisi

April 18, 2025

“On a Scale of One to Ten, How Satisfied Are You With Spending a Ton of Time and Money Trying to Move to New Zealand?”

Gorgeous early evening walk home along the estuary. New Zealand often looks like a painting to me.

A few days ago, I received an email from Immigration New Zealand inviting me to complete a “customer experience survey” for the chance to win $100 NZD.

Yes, really. I thought it was as weird as you probably do, but it’s legit. There’s a brief page about it on INZ’s website explaining that they arbitrarily choose a selection of applicants and invite them to share their feedback. The email said that the survey was conducted by a “third party independent research company” called Gravitas OPG Limited, and assured me that Pfffft, of course none of my responses would make their way back to them, Immigration NZ, the ones who are currently in the process of determining if I should be granted a Resident Visa that would allow me to continue to live and work in their country.

It seems like…not the right time to be asking me to give honest feedback.

After I have completed the process and gotten all the visas I need? Giiiirl, hit me up and I’ll spill the tea. ☕️💅🏻

But during the visa process? Like, as someone is actively reviewing my application for residency, and then my survey comes in to ~~Immigration NZ~~ “third party independent research company Gravitas OPG Limited,” and there’s a company-wide email sent around asking whomever has been assigned to Hilary Emerson Lay’s case to please report to their supervisor’s office immediately?

As they say here in New Zealand: Yeah, nah.

And it’s not anonymous, since you have to enter your name and contact details to be eligible to win the $100 NZD (which, by the way, is a smidge over 1% of what I will have paid Immigration to complete the entire visa process).

I considered not doing the survey, but then I thought maybe Immigration would see that I hadn’t responded, which would either mean that I’m irresponsible and/or had nasty things to say about them. So I completed the survey, giving them ten out of ten stars across the board. In all honesty, I was mostly truthful in my answers: Yes, I’ve found the process to be fairly straightforward. Yes, I have found the anticipated wait times to be accurate. However, No, (keep this between us), I did not find that the INZ representatives were always helpful, since on a few different occasions while speaking to a few different immigration people I have received a few different answers to what I considered to be pretty straightforward questions, such as “My current visa expires April 1st. When should I submit my next application?” and the answers were “As soon as possible,” “Mid-March is probably the best time,” and “A day or two ahead of time is fine.”

Also, the fact that they dangled $100 NZD–or any prize at all?–as an incentive to take their survey seems weird. Like sure, Verizon, I’ll take your stupid survey in hopes of winning a hundred bucks, but a government agency? If you’re going to dangle any carrot here, how about, I don’t know, full citizenship?

Don’t get me wrong, though: I will gladly take your $100 NZD because you guys are the BEST!!! 😍 (😬)

March 27, 2024March 30, 2025

Visa Update #5: Interim Visa Granted!

Legal disclaimer: as stated here, I am in no way, shape, or form a licensed immigration advisor, and nothing I have written should be taken as anything other than my personal experiences.

Keep those champagne bottles corked; this isn’t THE visa that I just applied for. This just means that my case has been assigned to an Immigration Officer who has determined that yes, I provided them with all of the documents they need and that yes, I can now remain in New Zealand for six months until they make a decision. It doesn’t mean they won’t be contacting me with questions or asking me for more information once they actually begin reviewing my application in depth, but it’s still a relief knowing that I’m rubber-stamped to stay here in the meantime. And it feels especially good because a year ago today, I was weeping into my suitcase as I packed to fly home to the States 24 hours later, not to return to NZ for ten whole months. There shall be no suitcase-packing today! (Also hopefully no crying 😆).

The basic parameters of my Interim Visa are that I do not work (duh) and that I don’t leave the country or else the visa is nullified and I have to start all over again.

Current processing time for the Partner of a New Zealander Work Visa is 11 weeks. Stay tuned. 😊

For those of you keeping track: I submitted my visa application at 5:30 PM on Friday, March 22 and this email from Immigration was in my inbox when I woke up on Wednesday, March 27.

February 20, 2024March 30, 2025

Visa Update #3: Telling Your Beautiful, Intimate, and Private Love Story to a Complete Stranger Is Just As Complex And Icky As It Sounds

Legal disclaimer: as stated here, I am in no way, shape, or form a licensed immigration advisor, and nothing I have written should be taken as anything other than my personal experiences.

Lemme start out by filling you guys in on where I am with the visa application.

As I detailed in my brief, calm, and not at all insane visa update last week, I have now completed all of the required medical exams.

I’ve made three calls to Immigration thus far to clarify a number of questions I’ve had. The biggest question, which I asked all three people, was “How late can I submit my application?”. I want to submit it as late as possible, since that gives me a chance to collect even more proof of our partnership, i.e. bills we have both been paying. I asked each of the three different people at Immigration and received three very different answers, which is both infuriating and baffling.

My Visitor Visa, the 90-day visa I was automatically granted the day I arrived here, expires April 1st. The first person I spoke with said that I could submit my application “right before my current visa is set to expire.” The second person I spoke with said Oh god no, early March at the latest!! The third person I spoke with said that it takes about a week for Immigration to look over my application and decide whether it’s completed to their satisfaction, in which case they issue me an Interim Visa which allows me to stay until they’ve made a ruling on my case.

The third guy sounded the most confident, and his answer made the most sense, so I’ll be submitting my application the weekend of March 23/24.

Here is what I have left to do before I submit it:

Fill in the names/addresses/phone numbers/DOB for three (it doesn’t specify the number, but three is the general consensus) people I know who live in New Zealand. From what I understand, these people will not be contacted unless I flee into the hills of Aotearoa and go into hiding. In other words, it’s just a safety net so that Immigration has a starting point if they need to track down someone who violates the terms of their visa (by overstaying, I imagine).

Stewart has to complete Form INZ 1146, “Partners Supporting Partnership-Based Temporary Entry Applications.” Despite the lengthy form name and the fact that it’s six dense pages long, it will take less than ten minutes to complete. It’s a lot of basic information—full name, DOB, city or town of birth, passport number, etc—and then there are entire pages he can skip since they pertain specifically to culturally-arranged marriages or people who are eligible to support a partnership-based application but are themselves not New Zealand citizens.

I need to upload documents proving that we live together in a “genuine and stable partnership,” such as a joint tenancy agreement, screenshots of our joint bank account, photos of mail we have both received at our address…stuff like that. That will be the very last part of the application I’ll do, since I want to collect as much of this proof as possible. (A Kiwi friend of mine, who has gone through the partner visa thing with her American parter, informed me the other day that you can go back in and keep adding stuff to your visa application once you’ve submitted it, which is amaaaaazing because that means I can continue to send them proof that we continue to live together in a “genuine and stable partnership”).

We need to ask ___ number of people who know us as a couple to write letters on our behalf testifying to our love for and commitment to one another. Technically this is not a requirement for the application; in fact, it’s not even listen on there. But I’ve done a great deal of research into this and it’s really, really good to have people testify on your behalf. Some websites recommend getting letters from “prominent members of your community, such as a priest or rabbi.” Guess we gotta get real religious in the next 4.5 weeks….
And lastly, I have to write the “Relationship Timeline.”

Oh, the Relationship Timeline. The deceptively simple-sounding assignment which is in fact an absolute beast of a task, upon which Immigration will base a good portion of my case.

From my research, it seems that Immigration purposely keeps the required “Relationship Timeline” vague in terms of what they’re looking for so that people who are trying to cheat the system don’t just go down and tick off all the boxes. Okay, fair enough, but like…..what do they want???

I have spent so many hours of my life Googling this mysterious Relationship Timeline to find out what exactly they want to see.

I have searched for posts from complete strangers on the internet who wrote Relationship Timelines that satisfied Immigration, and then picked through their posts/comment threads with a fine-toothed comb looking for any tips sprinkled in there.

I have foraged around the websites of licensed immigration officers to see what they had to say about it.

I have found subreddits where people in my shoes have asked what the hell Immigration wants to see, and then eagerly read through successful applicants’ responses while jotting down notes.

Here is the general consensus: the “Relationship Timeline” is where you get to tell the story of your relationship in your own words. There’s no recommended length for this document, but absolutely everyone says the more you tell them, the better. Tell them everything. Send them everything. Do not make them have to contact you for more proof.

I’ve screenshot the most thorough description of the Relationship Timeline I’ve found, which is from a licensed immigration website. You can click on the photos to enlarge them (those of you reading this on your phones may have to just zoom in; apologies). Grab a seat for this doozy of a read:

Yeaaaaaaaaaah. That’s A LOT.

Thanks to my years of partner-based NZ visa research, I’ve known about the existence of this “Relationship Timeline” for a while. And I knew it would be laborious putting it all together. But what I did not expect was that it would feel so emotional and…..well, if we’re being honest, so violating. Everyone (“everyone”) says to include screen shots of significant moments in your relationship, such as when you first told one another that you loved each other, and when you decided to become a committed couple. Show them how you got each other through tough times. Include lots and lots of photos of you and your partner on trips, out with friends, having fun. If your partner has kids, include photos of you/you and your partner with the kids. Etc etc etc etc etc.
“Just give them everything.“

About 85% of our relationship has been long-distance, meaning that we have nearly every one of our “significant milestones” in writing, which–I hate to say this–is convenient in terms of having to provide evidence. But going back through our four years of beautiful, private conversations for the sole purpose of cherry picking “the good stuff” for my application feels awful. I don’t want to send someone a screen shot of the first time we said “I love you.” I don’t want to send someone a cute picture of us on our first date. It feels like in order to prove the genuine depth of this immense love we have, I have to cheapen our story down to a bunch of juicy sound bites. I am not a particularly private person, but those moments belong to us.

Let me emphasize again that the visa application *does not* state that it requires any of this information. It simply says they want a “Relationship Timeline.” I could therefore just send them a simple list of dates and events. But I know that won’t be sufficient, and there’s just so damned much at stake here that I feel like I have no choice but to use these intimate, significant moments of our love story as a means to a end.

But that’s exactly how I have to think of it: a means to an end. The more you send them, the stronger your case, says the entirety of the internet. And I’d rather send them too much proof than not enough. And in this case, the “end” part of “a means to an end” is the first step in my getting to live here.

So rather than allowing this monumental assignment to make me feel like my privacy is being invaded, I’m choosing to look at it this way: if there’s one thing I’m good at—in all modesty—it’s telling a story, and we have a damned good story to tell. If they (allegedly) want everything, I’ll give them everything.

The first page of our Relationship Timeline is going to be the most bare-bones list of significant events and their corresponding dates, in case my application lands on the desk of someone with a short attention span who happens to be in a foul mood that day. As for the rest of it? I want it to be the best damned Relationship Timeline that person has ever read. I want them to be riveted, I want them to be moved to tears, I want them to laugh out loud (years ago I came across this obscure quote–attributed to a court jester–which I’ve never forgotten: “Make them laugh; they’ll have a harder time shooting you.”). I want them to forward it to their colleagues. I want them to tell their spouse about it over dinner that night. I want them to be rooting for us.

If they want a good story, they’ll get one.

January 31, 2024

When You’re Rapid-Cycling Through Michael Scott Emotions

Me realizing I’ve already been here a month, which means I only have two months left:

Me remembering that I’m submitting a visa application in 6 weeks, which automatically grants me an interim visa to stay here until the first visa is approved:

Me remembering that I’m submitting a visa application in 6 weeks:

December 19, 2023January 9, 2024

Phew; that was a close one….

I super appreciate that the FBI says **in bold** that just because I don’t have a record with them **does not mean** I am not a wanted felon on the state and/or local levels. Cheers, guys. Thanks for that.

My FBI background check came back clean! 🕵🏼

One of the things New Zealand Immigration requires you to submit with your visa application is a “police certificate,” which in the States means an “Identity History Summary” from the FBI, which you can order here. It cost $18 and took two weeks to process. You have to fill out and print off the form and mail it along with your fingerprints, which I had taken at my local police department The whole thing was thrilling and I would be lying to you if I said that I didn’t picture Clarice Starling or Fox Mulder opening my application.